Anger, fear and sadness are negative emotions and we shouldn’t listen to them. To be spiritual is to be positive, thankful, and happy!

These are prevalent ideas in our society, especially in the self-help and “New Age” movements. We are told to remove our more troubled and difficult emotions in order to be more enlightened. There are two problems with this: 1. That is not how human beings are wired and 2. When we deny that reality we create shame that leads to uncontrolled “negative” emotions.

This is the first in a series of posts about embracing all of our emotions as necessary and beautiful aspects of our development of self and relationship. I draw on my own experience living in community at Sunrise Ranch, my training as a Shadow Work facilitator, and from a life dedicated to practical spirituality.

LISTEN TO YOUR FEAR

We experience ourselves in the world through our emotional realm; it is the primary way that we connect, understand, and create. When you feel fear, I invite you to not try to “get ride of it,” but LISTEN to what that fear is telling you. You have your own internal “guardian angel” or “risk manager” telling you what is safe and what is not. Sometimes it is effective, sometimes it keeps us back from new creative challenges. But this risk manager is not bad, it is necessary to our survival on earth. The trick is to ensure that it is aligned with what we really want in our lives, and not our hidden shames.

For example, when we are children our risk managers protect us from being hurt. So if a child comes home every week excited to show his mom a good grade on a test and receive her praise, and every week she ridicules him for being proud, his risk manager will eventually tell him to protect his heart. He will keep his joy to himself, because it hurts to much to be rejected. But as the child gets older, a romantic partner may wonder why he never shares his accomplishments with her. She’ll find out he got a coveted promotion at work and never told her, and they’ll both be missing out on sharing a victory. So the risk manager may have been helpful before, but in this case it’s keeping him from creating intimacy.

What then? We have to each have a way to talk to this risk manager and bring it in line with our vision for our lives. This may be with a coach, a meditation, an emotional process like ShadowWork. I also like to just create a safe space apart to ask myself questions. In our example, this young man might ask that risk-managing part of himself:

What is my risk manager saying? “Don’t share your victories because people will judge you as too proud and will knock you down”

Where did this behavior start? When my mom shamed me for celebrating

How did that help me at the time? What might have happened to me if my risk manager didn’t step in? I might have been hurt so much by my mom’s rejection that I would have hated myself and never been able to accomplish anything

How can I bless this part of me for helping me in the past? “Thank you risk manager for protecting my heart and teaching me to celebrate victories on my own without other’s approval. I still need you to be here for me in my life because you keep me safe.”

This reaction isn’t serving me anymore. How can I tell that part of me that it’s okay to let go of protecting me from this perceived risk and to support me in sharing my victories? “I’m ready to take the risk to share my heart more openly with my partner. I know that I have the power to celebrate my successes myself no matter how someone else reacts, but I want to experience that with someone else. ”

Let us be spiritual people who embrace all of our emotions as amazing tools for self-expression and connection. And let us make sure that those feelings are under our control, and not controlling us. Are their perceived risks that run your life? Confront them, listen to them, and use your perception to work creatively with them. Maybe you listen to the risk and find out that it is outdated and can be thanked and released. Maybe there is a real risk, and you want to shift some things in your life to create safety for what wants to happen for you. Stay tuned for my next post about using the energy behind anger creatively to help set up boundaries and make agreements. And please add your comments on how you use emotions creatively.

Helena Barrera

Raised in New York and Connecticut, Helena is a graduate of the Johnston Center for Integrative Studies in Redlands, California. Her self-designed emphasis was: Facilitating Personal and Organizational Transformation: Psychology, Sociology, and Religion. Her Masters is in Business Administration with a concentration on non-profit management. Helena lives in Denver and works for Sunrise Ranch. Her passion is to provide settings where people can know and express their creativity, power, and unique spirit—in a spiritual seminar, an office meeting, or around her dinner table. Follow her on Twitter

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