Sunrise Ranch

This is the fourth in a series of responses to essays that were submitted for a Retreat GiveAway to The Yoga of Change March 20-23. People wrote about why this is the perfect time in their life for a yoga retreat. I, Jennifer Hubbard, along with my sister, Karla McLaren, author of The Language of Emotions; What Your Feelings are Trying to Tell You, will be responding together. Our approaches are different, but complementary. We welcome your response and hope this will become a conversation. Please direct responses to: Jennifer –at- self-authoredchange.com.

Original Essay

Yoga. For so many reasons, yoga.

Someone said to me during graduate school that the only way she made it through was her yoga practice. I thought she was crazy. And then I started going. I always knew yoga was right for me…but as with everything that is good for me, I find ways to inch it out of my life. Push, push all the lovely things that I could do to take care of my heart. My body. My spirit. I am the mother of a three-year-old. He is beautiful, amazing, smart and funny. And so sweetly, so genuinely, he wants every tiny little piece of me. Some days I can’t give it all, some days I don’t have any to give. Some days I hold those little pieces of myself and selfishly shove them in my pocket so that he can’t grab them away. Then I fret at what a horrid mother I am.

And then why I might not have much of myself left to share. I am a speech language therapist. I spend my days on the floor with little people who may never, ever talk. Who have spent their lives in wheelchairs and have never communicated with words, but who give you the biggest smile when you make the smallest effort to notice them. With big-little people who don’t know how to find the right words in their heads. Medium-sized little people who, desperately hope that in their scant half-hour a week with you, that you might have the magic to put these things in their heads that they can’t seem to. And I think I might worry more about how I am going to fix these kids than whether or not I am a good mother.

I am learning that I have to take care of me too. I am watching, with compassion, how easy it is for me to give, and give myself nothing. It is becoming clearer and clearer to me that all forms of yoga are the answer to every question. My spirit sings when I walk into a yoga class. Ahh, yes, this is where I have belonged all along. THIS is home.

VM

Our Response

Dear VM

One of the reasons that I love to teach yoga is the ability to share the incredible experiences available through these simple, profound practices. Your words describe this experience beautifully.

The on again off again practice of yoga is a very predictable pattern. Yoga is always there waiting for you, when you are ready. A retreat can be a wonderful way to re-engage with healthy practices, and I have participated in retreats as a student and teacher numerous times. All of the retreats were wonderful experiences of returning to my own center and helping others to return to theirs. My own observation is that few people focus on taking this sense of wonder and beauty back into their daily lives. That, I feel, is a real disservice to Yoga.

My focus, in my own practice and my teaching is to bring this sense of wholeness off of the yoga mat and into life. How could you practice yoga in your work and as a Mother? Well, I don’t have your answers, but I can share some things that are helping me as a Mother and professional.

Your work sounds challenging and fulfilling. As a therapist, you can practice yoga by letting go of any attachment to what happens, and simply be fully present with your student. Simply bring your powers of observation and training into the room and show up fully with reverence and humility for what is possible. You can deeply understand that real opening and healing is beyond our full comprehension, though it is gorgeous and awe inspiring to watch.

We can give of ourselves without giving ourselves away. We can stay centered as we serve others. The key is to remember to move into challenges after taking a deep breath. You can practice this on your yoga mat but remember that the mat is a place to practice and prepare for living your life in a deeply connected and reverent way.

I am not always skillful, so don’t think that I am giving you this information from a fully realized place. I am learning to ski this year, and discovered that I wasn’t breathing AT ALL when things got difficult. I laughed at myself when I noticed the fact that I was holding my breath! The effect of my yoga practice is that I noticed pretty quickly that I wasn’t breathing normally – it felt off. And I rediscovered for the thousandth time that simply focusing on my breath improved my skiing immensely.

Ahimsa is the yogic concept of non-harming. It has been rather narrowly defined by some yoga schools as being a vegetarian. I believe that non-harming is a profound and far reaching concept that must start with the self. I watch students push themselves on their yoga mats, not allowing the breath to take them into difficult places and not allowing their bodies to say whoa! I encourage these students to slow down and honor the messages from their bodies and breath, and to accept their limitations and wounds with compassion and gentleness. So, if you find yourself wondering if you are a horrible Mother, stop (breathe), and ask yourself what you need.

Taking care of yourself is important for you and for your son. Psychology says that he will internalize you as the feminine side of himself. A loving, caring, and self-preserving Mother is a great gift.

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This is the third in a series of responses to essays that were submitted for a Retreat GiveAway to The Yoga of Change March 20-23. People wrote about why this is the perfect time in their life for a yoga retreat. I, Jennifer Hubbard, along with my sister, Karla McLaren, author of The Language of Emotions; What Your Feelings are Trying to Tell You, will be responding together. Our approaches are different, but complementary. We welcome your response and hope this will become a conversation. Please direct responses to: Jennifer –at- self-authoredchange.com.

Original Essay

I have many reasons why I would like to attend this “Yoga of Change” retreat. I’m 32 years old, the mother of a 6 year old, and a wife of 12 years. I’m in a rut with my life right now. I’m not happy with my job. We’re looking at buying a house; however we have some things to clean up before we can do that. I’m overweight with some medical conditions, including high cholesterol, thyroid problems, lack of energy, and depression, just to name a few. We’re trying to have another baby, but I ended up with a very large cyst on my ovary. The cyst is a complex cyst, which is a cluster of a bunch of smaller ones. One ruptured on New Year’s Eve, while we were on our way out of town. It was the most painful thing I’ve ever had. It continues to be painful off and on, and the more stress I’m under, the more it hurts. I’m at a point where I’m ready to give up. I have made a resolution to reduce the stress in my life this year, and the more I try to reduce it, it seems to triple. I need meditation and reflection time. I need to “get away from it all”. I love to practice yoga, but lately, I haven’t even had the energy or will power to practice. I have become a hermit, and tend to go to work, and come home. I don’t like to go out, or even spend time with friends right now. I’m hopeful that this retreat will give me hope, strength, and a renewed sense of self. I’m also hoping that it will get me to a better place in my life. Thank you for the opportunity to express my feelings and look forward to hopefully making it to the retreat!

L L

Our Response

Dear LL;

There is no better way to deal with stress than to take better care of oneself. Life pushes us out of balance, constantly. We naturally react by trying to get away from the source that is causing the imbalance, but often do this in ways that create more imbalance. You say that you feel like giving up, and are just getting through the days. Your system is tired and overburdened, I have been in that state and am very empathetic to your current suffering.

Your instincts are working well; you could use a healing retreat, a rest, a break. You need some time to reset yourself with rest, easily digested foods, time for reflection, gentle and frequent movement and deep relaxation so that your system can rebound. It seems like you have a healthy sense of your needs, but are not clear about what to do with them. This may be a sign that you need to consult an able helper, perhaps seek medical help from an endocrinologist or consult a nutritionist. You would benefit greatly from the help of an able guide and my vague sense of you from your letter leads me to believe that you can judge well for yourself who can help you. Because your hormonal system is out of kilter, it is not possible to offer clear suggestions without meeting you, similar symptoms are often the result of very different imbalances. Yoga therapy can be very helpful for rebalancing the endocrine system, but not just any yoga will do. Some methods could exacerbate your problems. I can recommend Viniyoga, restorative yoga or seeing a good yoga therapist.

I would like to encourage you to be gentle with yourself as you find your way out of this. You are experiencing the effects of a destructive pattern and have fallen into a hole that is unique to you. In order to find your way out, you must respect your body, your wisdom, and make good choices. Start small, challenge yourself to eat 3 different vegetables each day. Take a 10 minute walk in the morning, something that you know you can commit to doing daily. Add healthy behaviors slowly, a brief rest in the afternoon, a cup of herbal tea, read something inspiring. The main idea is to add things into your life that both restore and enliven you. Don’t think about what NOT to do, focus on what TO do. To reverse a negative downward spiral the trick is to start spiraling in a more positive direction by taking positive action.

And of course, you would be most welcome to join us at the retreat.

Jennifer Hubbard

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This is the second in a series of responses to essays that were submitted for a Retreat GiveAway to The Yoga of Change March 20-23. People wrote about why this is the perfect time in their life for a yoga retreat. I, Jennifer Hubbard, along with my sister, Karla McLaren, author of The Language of Emotions; What Your Feelings are Trying to Tell You, will be responding together. Our approaches are different, but complementary. We welcome your response and hope this will become a conversation. Please direct responses to: Jennifer –at- self-authoredchange.com.

Original Essay:

I am overwhelmed with the pain and loss I have endured over the past 2 years. I am extremely close to my family and over the past two years I have dealt with the deaths of an aunt, an uncle and my beloved father. I have also cared for my father prior to his death and continue to care for my brother who suffered a stroke 2 years ago.

I am not a nurse but I have become the caretaker in my family; I volunteer to take care of everyone. This however, was not a burden it was a gift because I was able to spend precious time with my father.

During this time, I married and I have two jobs, a day job and a night job.

My Father passed away in September. It was the saddest day of my life and my life will never be the same. I am lost without my Dad and my life has become empty. The time I was able to spend with him was very special to me. I would do it all again, if I could. I have no regrets of those times with my Dad; they were very special and will live in my heart forever. I believe that my Dad is here with me every day and I know that someday I will see him again.

I have learned that I am very good at taking care of everyone else, and not so good at taking care of myself. I am very much in need of some time away, time to focus on myself and re-center.

Through all of these very difficult times, I have lost myself. I am committed to nurturing my soul and this retreat would be a great gift.

K. A.

Our Response:

Dear K.A.,

There is a true story about a famous Indian Saint who was beloved and treated like a King by his students. While travelling, he fell ill and since he lived and dressed simply, he was taken for a beggar and put into a miserable charity hospital. His mat was beside the latrine, where he lay sick for days before his students discovered him, lying next to the filth. They immediately took steps to move him into a luxurious private ward, but he refused. He merely said, “It takes all of my skills, developed over a lifetime of self-development to handle this situation, how could I possibly leave this spot and know that some suffering, less fortunate soul will have to lie here. No, I am equipped to handle this place, I will be fine.”

Sometimes, we are called on to be this Saint. In order to handle life’s catastrophes, we can embrace practices that help us to find the lotus blossom in the mud. I want to ask you what you do for yourself? I would like to support you in the understanding that you must be for yourself first. You need to inhale before taking on challenges, before moving forward. What would feed you? Taking a yoga class, a dance class, painting, writing, music, philosophy? Do any of these words bring a spark of hope back into you? Follow that spark.

Both Karla and I agree that we would not recommend a retreat for you now. When life becomes painful it is natural to want to get away from the pain, but the pain and grief need to be sat with, accepted and integrated. The familiar places and people of your life are what you need to draw near to you now and your yogic practice should focus on setting boundaries for yourself and your practices should be consistent. You do need some respite and rest, however, it would just be best if you stayed put to do it.

From your letter, I would recommend practices that create strength, nurturing routines and boundaries for you. Losses of loved ones create holes that need to be healed, and our own center rediscovered. I would actually recommend that you say NO to something, and soon. It would be ideal if you said NO because you had an appointment for a massage or a manicure, something completely indefensible, aside from the fact that you really WANT to do it. (I call this NOga!) We all need to learn to take time for ourselves, and make certain that our lives contain sweetness and I don’t mean candy!

I lost my Mother last year, and I learned firsthand that grief is quite powerful, strange and uncontrollable at times. My teacher counseled me to go through the center of it, like a brave warrior, and I found that advice to work for me. My Mother’s birthday was last week, and in the African Tradition, I asked her to be an angel for me. Native African wisdom says that you should call on your ancestors for help. They believe that the dead do not have enough to do, and are always ready for a task. I love this idea. Could you ask your beloved Father for help through this transitional time? Remember that great loss is only possible with a great gift of Love. Your relationship with your Father was precious and you can heal by remembering and feeling in your heart all of the gifts he gave you.

From a yogic standpoint, the key to moving on and through this time is the ability to “digest” the experience. We can get stuck with emotions by trying to process them with our minds, and our minds can only digest ideas. You will notice if you sit quietly with your feelings of grief that they are located somewhere in your body – if they are in your head, ask them to move, towards your heart and belly. Once you begin to feel the emotional energy in your heart/belly center, watch them and ask for help in moving through them and discovering the gifts within them. Be brave and know that you can handle and process your emotions. Ask your Father for help with this, and other departed family members. Feel their presence and their love, which is still there and wants you wholly alive and happy. Contained in your grief is tremendous energy that can transform you, if you allow it to.

Shameless plug for Karla’s book alert (written by Jennifer). My sister Karla has a unique perspective on emotions, viewing them as gifts with messages. Her insights are remarkable and powerful. She taught me to see how moving and beautiful grief can be. Karla taught me to appreciate loss as a function of love and a fully lived life. The book is not out yet, but can be pre-ordered here: http://karlamclaren.com/index.php

Life feels empty now, but it is not, though it is difficult to see that right now. Know that this time will end, and you will be changed, hopefully with a heart broken open.
Know that you are beloved,

Jennifer & Karla

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This is the first in a series of responses to essays that were submitted for a Retreat GiveAway to The Yoga of Change March 20-23. People wrote about why this is the perfect time in their life for a yoga retreat. I, Jennifer Hubbard, along with my sister, Karla McLaren, author of The Language of Emotions; What Your Feelings are Trying to Tell You, will be responding together. Our approaches are different, but complementary. We welcome your response and hope this will become a conversation. Please direct responses to: Jennifer –at- self-authoredchange.com.

Original Essay

I am becoming myself again after 22 years of laying down myself for my children and ex-husband. Finding my voice in this world, redeeming and reconciling me to myself is my journey now. It has been difficult to give to myself over these years and I think that the Yoga of Change retreat would be a perfect way to begin that transformation. I need to restore and refuel my spirit, soul and body.

I have a fairly severe anxiety disorder which I take medication for and feel that I need new tools such as yoga, nutrition, meditation etc to balance and center me on this new phase of my life.

D.K.

Our Response

Dear D.K.,

The beginning of the Yoga Sutra, reads, “And now we come to Yoga.”

I interpret that to mean: “because we have tried everything else, without satisfactory results”.
I define yoga as connection and integrity. When we are connected to our breath in movement, it is enjoyable and energizing. When we struggle breathlessly to do something, it is difficult and uncomfortable. When we give to others from a half-empty place it is debilitating – like trying to do something while holding your breath. Giving to others is effortless when we are full. The fruits of a yogic lifestyle, or; “a simple, well-ordered life” is intended to put us into and keep us in this state of fullness. I would like to suggest that giving ourselves to others is not the problem; it is doing the giving from an emptied place that creates the problem – because you are giving something away that does not get replenished.

A yogic lifestyle can replenish us in profound ways. It can be challenging to lead this lifestyle in America because the lifestyle is a simple one; it includes a simple diet, rest, exercise, training our attention and becoming skillful in areas in which we need to grow.

You have naturally migrated to a life that gives you time and space to see who you are and gather your energy back; to replenish. The purpose of this time, viewed from a yogic perspective is to recreate yourself as a gift to the world. Yoga therapy can be powerful for anxiety. Your body, your nervous system is on high alert and needs to be comforted. Several things are highly suggested for treating anxiety – many forms of meditation are not recommended, by the way.

What would we recommend for you?
From the emotional standpoint, anxiety is an overload in the area of fear, and fear is an instinct if it’s behaving normally. So your instincts may be depleted.

So when we suggest things for you, we want to leave room for you to listen to yourself and restore your own instincts.

Anxiety can cause us to look everywhere but within ourselves for answers, which is where the greatest healing powers lie.

So, here are general recommendations that you should take as you see fit.

Relaxation/Meditation:

Yoga Nidra, or yogic sleep, is a guided meditation that can reset and train your brain to attain Delta and Theta waves states more readily. This meditation keeps the mind focused on specific tasks, so it allows (and sort of tricks) the brain to slow down. Watching an anxious mind will often cause it to speed up, something you do not need to do!

Yoga Practices:

I also recommend slow forms of yoga, restorative, yin yoga, or just a well paced Hatha class. Vinyasa style yoga is generally contra-indicated for anxiety.

Lifestyle:

Keep your diet as simple as possible, while being enjoyable. Make your meals very important. Avoid cold foods, cold drinks and of course stimulants and depressants like caffeine and alcohol.

Rise early enough to engage in a ritual that calms your mind before launching into your daily activities. Read a book on Buddhist philosophy, poetry, or a philosophy that you find uplifting for 15 to 20 minutes before launching into your day. Follow this with 5 Sun Salutations (choose any that you like) done slowly, never moving into pain, just to build warmth in your body.
No work after 7 pm at night.

Do not watch TV or sit in front of a computer after 9pm and earlier if possible.

Jennifer will be offering a Yoga of Change Retreat March 20-23 at Sunrise Ranch. Click here for more information

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I began my yoga practice to transform myself, though I didn’t fully understand my motivation at that time. I have watched hundreds of people begin to practice yoga and I believe that we all turn to the practice of yoga because we feel so different as a result. The sense of peacefulness and connectedness leads us back to ourselves in profound ways. Yoga practice, chosen wisely, is transformational.

As I began to study yoga therapy I learned that this transformation is the main purpose of yoga practice. Traditionally, yoga is taught one to one, the practice is as personal as psychotherapy or a doctor’s visit. In the philosophy of yoga, we are born with seeds for tendencies. These seeds will sprout in the right circumstances and they can be for things that we might view as positive or negative– a gift for music or a problem with weight, or drugs, or truthfulness. All of the tendencies are undesirable, because they pull our attention in directions that we do not freely choose. The purpose of yoga practices is to burn off these seeds so that we can be free.

An analogy can be seen in achieving the Lotus position. For a culture that spends a lot of time sitting in chairs, there is a lot of muscular tension and restriction that must be carefully worked through before our bodies can safely and comfortably adopt this cross legged position. When a body is free enough, sitting in Lotus position is effortless, you can literally forget your body and drop into a meditative state. This freedom from effort and tension allows the practitioner to focus solely on their mind and awareness; they have reached a freedom from bodily tension. When I first experienced a comfortable seated position, it was a revelation, a feeling so light and free and well, comfortable. My whole physical being breathed a sigh of relief and joy.

I’ll be talking more about the concept of becoming free from destructive tendencies and give some specific tips about yoga practice tomorrow night in a free teleseminar, you can sign up here

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